just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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