You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
