New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
