She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
