I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
