Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
