There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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