It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
well, you know. whores of a feather.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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