So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
