So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
