FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
