dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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