hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
