Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
