So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
