i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
