You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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