She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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