talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
