my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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