so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
