6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
