I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
