Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
