Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
