I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
