just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize