I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
