my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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