So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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