Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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