I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
