i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
