In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
hell yes lets make some ravioli
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
