Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
