just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
