Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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