i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
