i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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