I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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