I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
