Don't you send me to vm
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
