peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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