Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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