If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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