What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
