8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
