i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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