he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
