I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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