We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well I just put wine in my tea
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
