Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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