cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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