ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
