If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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