do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
