bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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