Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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