i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
