6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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