There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
