Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
