last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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