Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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