I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
