I heard we made out
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
