Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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