Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
birth control should be required to get into college
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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