My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
