In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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