Christians are straight up FREAKS
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
