I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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