Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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