I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
