Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
