It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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