I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
