kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
