Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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