he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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