My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
