It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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