I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
