Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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