I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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